


Subterfuge

by the_escapist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-07
Updated: 2005-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-13 07:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_escapist/pseuds/the_escapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Remus are up to something behind James’ back. Secrets, deception and discoveries - it’s all a part of growing up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Subterfuge

**1\. Pranksters Inc.**

James Potter had just grabbed his broom and was heading out of the dormitory for some early morning flying practice when a pair of flannel and blue pyjama trousers suddenly appeared out of thin air and dropped to the ground right in front of him. He stopped short, taking half a step backwards, and eyed them, feeling affronted and more than a little confused. _Strange._

Without taking his eyes off the crumpled pile of cloth on the floor, James side-stepped the garment, then turned and backed towards the door. It wasn’t until he placed his hand on the doorknob that he paused with a vague dawning that he’d seen these pyjamas before.

The room would have been as still and silent as death, if not for the sound of steady breathing coming from Peter’s bed. On the other side of the room it was so quiet that Sirius and Remus may as well have ceased to exist. With suspicion beginning to gnaw at him, James walked back and picked up the pyjama trousers to take a closer look. It was only first light and still a little gloomy in their dorm, but this close he realised he did know these pyjamas. They were Remus’.

This was still very odd, but…

Frowning, James looked up at Sirius’ and Remus’ beds again. Neither of them snored, but that silence was palpable and thick - too much so. No, something was up. A stupid prank, most likely. They’d probably gotten up before him just to do this, too. Well, it wouldn’t work this time.

James dropped the pyjamas and moved forward to pull the curtains around Remus’ bed apart slightly - empty. He’d been about to check Sirius’ bed when the curtains moved suddenly, having been kicked in his fitful sleep. James froze. Right, so it was only Remus who was up.

James stopped to think for a moment. If Remus was somewhere in the castle trying to pull a prank on him, then … _the Marauder’s Map_! He’d use the map to find out where Remus was and - no, but he couldn’t. Remus would have taken the map with him. _Damn it._

_Okay then, Moony, do your best, but remember who you’re dealing with._

Later, James smiled to himself as he walked onto the Quidditch pitch. He hadn’t come across Remus at all on his way out of the castle. He chuckled quietly. _Not even close._

* * *

‘Oh, fu- _ahh_!’

Normally, Sirius much preferred to be inside Remus when he came, or to have Remus inside him. But the intimacy of this - he and Remus lying on their sides, facing each other and so, so close - was unbeatable. Remus had looked him square in the eyes the entire time he’d stroked and squeezed, and Sirius had come with such intensity he was left gasping. He was still far too languid to help when Remus started cleaning them up.

‘Mm, that was so good,’ Sirius murmured once Remus was still beside him again. He ran his hands over Remus’ naked body and pulled him close.

Remus smiled - the same serene smile he’d been wearing a lot the past few weeks - and, burying his fingers in Sirius’ hair, kissed him slowly, sucking softly on his lips. Remus would have to get back into his own bed soon; they’d all be getting up in an hour or two. For now, though, Sirius chose not to think of that.

The smile was there still when Remus pulled back and looked at him again. But in an instant it was gone, Remus’ eyes widening exaggeratedly. He sat up abruptly.

‘I’m naked,’ he said with a note of panic.

‘Mm, I know,’ Sirius said, trying to pull Remus back down to him. ‘I like you better that way.’

Sirius was met with a hard stare when Remus turned to look at him. ‘Tell me you know where the bloody hell you spelled my pyjamas off to.’

‘Er...’

‘ _Sirius_!’

‘What? Just put another pair on. It’s no great loss, surely,’ Sirius said.

‘Don’t you think that will look a bit conspicuous, getting out of bed in a different pair of pyjamas than what I went to sleep in?’

Sirius sat up, put his arms around Remus’ waist and spoke softly into his ear. ‘They won’t notice the difference. Now lie back down with me.’

‘So says you,’ Remus said, laughing despite himself. He pulled away from Sirius and moved out of his bed. ‘No, I have to — oh, good.’

Sirius laid back down and watched the empty space beyond his partially open curtains where Remus had been. He’d walked out into the room instead of across to his own bed, but Sirius couldn’t hear anything to indicate what he was doing. It was clear only a moment later, however, when Remus appeared standing beside his bed, now wearing his pyjama trousers and tying the drawstring.

‘They were right there on the floor.’ Remus smiled again - a smile that lit up his entire face.

‘See, you worry for nothing,’ Sirius said, reaching out to Remus purely for the contact. _He looks so good when he smiles like that._

With his hands still fumbling to tie his drawstring, Remus leaned forward and gave Sirius a brief kiss on the lips. ‘James is up already. Do you think he noticed anything?’

‘Ol’ Prongs? Nah, we’ll be right.’

Sirius started to wonder if he was expected to say something else, the way Remus was just looking at him then. But he’d hardly had time to consider it when Remus, placing a hand on Sirius’ neck, closed his eyes and kissed him deeply. It was probably the most public kiss they’d shared, what with Remus still standing next to his bed, only half concealed by the curtains, and Peter - albeit still asleep and separated by a silencing charm - on the other side of the room.

When Remus ended the kiss and pulled away slowly, Sirius couldn’t help but love the way he sucked on his own lip, as if savouring the taste of him, or the way he hummed softly before opening his eyes and looking into Sirius' own.

With a wry smile, Remus said, ‘Good morning.’

 

**2\. Lessons (or something like it)**

_Oh, there has to be an easier way. This is just … not …_

Falling asleep in class was something Sirius considered a non-factor when he remembered just why he was so tired in the first place. The choice between a good night’s sleep and spending half of it awake with Remus was one he didn’t have to think twice about. He and Remus could barely get enough of each other as it was - it was all so new and exciting and somehow never enough. But being this tired this often couldn’t last much longer. There had to be an easier way.

Unfortunately for Sirius, History of Magic with Professor Binns was so boring to begin with he didn’t stand a chance. The fact that it was also their last class for the day just made staying awake all the more impossible. He’d started with resting his chin in his palm as he struggled to keep his eyes open, but slowly his head slid closer and closer to his desk, and his eyelids only became heavier and heavier.

When he felt a great wallop across the back his head, his eyelids forgot their weight and snapped open.

‘Oi!’ Sirius complained, rubbing the pain away.

‘Wake up, you sodding bludger,’ James said, snickering and trying to keep his voice at a whisper. ‘Don’t think for a second you’re getting my notes.’

Sirius grumbled vaguely in response. Stretching his eyes open wide he tried to focus but it was no use - as soon as he tuned in to Binns’ droning he felt sleep lulling him away again. He stole a glance at Remus, who was seated at the desk next to him. If it weren’t for the slight red tinge to his eyes, he’d look just the same as he always did.

Folding his arms on the table and resting his head, Sirius watched as Remus scrawled away studiously. The frown he wore drew a fine line between concentration and pain.

‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ came James’ voice, but Sirius ignored him.

He’d seemed a world away, but Remus suddenly looked at Sirius then, and smiled when he saw that he was being watched. He turned back to his work, but instead of fading, Remus’ smile only grew as he continued writing.

‘You should be working,’ came the soft whisper of Remus’ voice.

‘Don’t want to,’ Sirius whispered back, as quietly as he could manage. ‘I’d rather be doing something else, but I suppose it’ll have to wait.’

‘Indeed it will.’

 

**3\. The More Things Change***

It had to wait a lot longer than Sirius might have hoped, as it turned out. Peter followed James off to Quidditch practice that afternoon, and Sirius had been looking forward to some long overdue time alone with Remus in their dorm room. But when they got to the Gryffindor common room, Remus made a beeline for the desks.

Sirius was incredulous. He followed Remus and sat down opposite him, at the very least thankful that he’d chosen an empty table. It wouldn’t do to have anyone within earshot. ‘What are you doing?’

‘What does it look like?’ Remus said as he began pulling books and parchment out of his bag. ‘I’ve got tons of Arithmancy homework I need to get done.’

‘And you’re going to do it now, of all times?’

Remus looked genuinely perplexed. ‘What’s wrong with now?’

‘James and Peter are gone, you dolt.’ Sirius said. ‘That leaves us,’ - he mouthed _alone_ \- ‘and you’re going to waste it?’

‘Sirius, I hardly think it’s a waste to get some work done for a change.’

Sirius fixed Remus in a level stare. ‘What planet are you from, really?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Remus said. ‘Perhaps one where people would rather not get detention for missing all their homework, unlike someone else I could name.’

‘Now don’t be mean, Prongs isn’t here to defend himself from remarks like that.’

Remus laughed. ‘We have an oral due, don’t we? Why don’t you work on that?’

‘I’d say it’s overdue. Do you want me to get under the table, then?’ Sirius poked his tongue through his teeth mischievously at Remus’ horrified glare.

‘Ancient Runes, you prat.’ Remus slapped a quill onto the desk. ‘Do something constructive, why don’t you?’

‘I could argue that I would be, had things gone my way, but in such mixed company, I think I’ll refrain.’ Sirius looked around the room at the other students as he spoke, waving when a fifth year girl smiled at him shyly.

‘Good,’ Remus said, trying to sound stern but having the effect ruined by the grin that crept over his lips. ‘You’ll just have to wait until next time.’

Sirius sighed, a little on the melodramatic side, but Remus ignored him and went about his work. He wouldn’t budge, not unless Sirius actually did crawl under the table, which he wasn’t about to do with other students around. So that was it, the afternoon alone would go to waste. He figured he might as well get a start on that Ancient Runes homework, and take his mind off it.

When it was time for dinner they made their way to the Great Hall, meeting James and Peter as they took their seats.

‘Alright there, mate?’ Sirius asked, chuckling at James’ messier-than-usual hair.

‘You should have come,’ Peter said, looking very excited. ‘He’s a brilliant flyer. He’ll be playing professional Quidditch before long, you’ll see.’

James wore a very wry, self-satisfied smile as he piled his plate with food.

‘Okay, keep your head on. No need to get worked up about it. We’ve all seen Prongs fly.’ Sirius looked pointedly at Remus. ‘But you’re right about one thing, Wormtail - I should have _come_.’

Remus shot a dangerous look at Sirius, one that warned him there’d be hell to pay if he kept up with talk like that.

Having obviously spotted Remus’ look, Peter laughed. ‘In trouble with Moony, eh Padfoot? What did you do this time?’

Sirius’ mouth fell open; his offence not feigned in the least, but Remus cut him off before he could say anything. ‘ _Padfoot_ had homework to do, which - no offence Prongs - is more important. You shouldn’t encourage him.’

‘Yeah, alright,’ Sirius said, a frown etched in his features when he turned to look at Remus. ‘Who are you, then? _Mother_?’

Remus ignored the comment and the look, instead surveying the dishes in front of him.

From across the table, James was having trouble controlling his snickering, having to put his pumpkin-piled fork back onto his dinner plate, lest he take a bite and choke on it. ‘Tsk, tsk, Padfoot,’ he finally managed to say. He only laughed harder when Sirius - in all seriousness - flicked a spoonful of peas at him. He recovered long enough to retaliate by picking up the pitcher of gravy and standing up to pour it all over Sirius’ dinner and mash his food into it with a fork.

Having simply stared at his dinner being desecrated and doing nothing to stop it, Sirius looked up and said, ‘Yeah, good one, Prongs. Lovely,’ and reached over to steal a leg of chicken from James’ plate. He bit into it and grinned at James over the top of it while he chewed.

* * *

By the time dinner had ended and they’d made their way back to the common room, Sirius would have been happy never to hear of all the wondrous things James could do on a broomstick ever again (he’d been about to make his own suggestion concerning what Peter could do with James’ broomstick, when Remus had finally managed to change the subject).

Sirius was too busy brooding over the wasted afternoon to pay much mind to the quiet conversation going on between the other three. They all seemed either tired or bored, and no one was saying much of anything, so his sombre mood was hardly noticed. The other students had been steadily heading off to bed all evening, and after only a few hours it was just the four of them left.

‘So she said she’ll come to Hogsmeade with me just to shut me up,’ James was saying. ‘But of course, that’s just her excuse. Really, I think she wanted to come all along.’ There was silence for a moment, then, ‘Are you lot even listening?’

Remus made an indecipherable sound, but no one said anything.

‘In that case,’ James said as he stood up and stretched, ‘I think I’ll go to bed.’

‘Me too,’ Peter said. He was practically asleep on his feet as he got up and walked out of the room.

‘You two coming?’ James asked.

‘Maybe in a bit,’ Remus said. Sirius didn’t answer.

‘Suit yourselves.’

Sirius looked up just as James was heading off up the stairs. ‘For the first time since this morning,’ he said, and gestured at the empty room. ‘Though, technically not even since then.’

‘Are you really that annoyed by it?’

‘Do you have to ask?’ Sirius said sulkily.

‘I tell you what,’ Remus said, and got up from his spot on the floor and walked to where Sirius was sitting in an armchair. ‘How about we cast a thorough silencing charm tonight, and I’ll make it up to you?’

‘Sounds promising,’ Sirius said, and let himself be pulled out of the chair and into Remus’ arms. ‘Tell me more.’

Remus flashed him a quick smile before their mouths met. There was one thing to be gained from having to wait, Sirius found, and that was everything felt so much better when you did. The kiss was intense, hard, and the sort that wouldn’t really end, but rather find its way around the hasty removal of clothing, and later over their naked flesh. Remus was already pulling at his clothes, trying to reach as much skin as possible.

Sirius loved it when Remus let himself go like this, which wasn’t often. The way Remus handled him would become rough with need, and it would turn Sirius on like nothing else could. Even now, it was making him so hot to think Remus might end up fucking him right here on the common room floor.

‘Oh, _fuck_!’

Sirius felt something akin to mortal terror surge through him when he heard that voice, and tore away from Remus faster than he’d ever moved in his life. When he looked in the direction the voice had come from, he saw a ghostly pale James standing plastered against the wall by the stairs.

James stared at them, mouth gaping open in shock, with huge, wild eyes. ‘What the fuck are you _doing_?’

Sirius didn’t answer - he _couldn’t_. His heart was beating furiously, and his thoughts were moving too fast to make any sense at all. He looked to Remus for help, and was surprised to see him so calm. With his hands in his pockets, he was staring blankly into the fireplace, a glazed and distant look on his face.

‘Bloody fucking _hell_! You’re not … you’re just …’ James was stumbling slightly, moving toward them looking absolutely livid. ‘This _cannot_ be for real. Oh, it’s not, is it?’

Sirius had to say something, and quick. ‘James, listen -’

‘ _No_. No, I won’t.’ James looked as though he might throw up. Sirius told himself it was only the shock of discovering two of his best friends snogging each other, but it still infuriated him to see it. ‘Sirius, you shouldn’t - what were you _kissing_ him for?’

Sirius and Remus looked at each other then. There was something unfathomable in Remus’ eyes, but Sirius had barely seen it when Remus turned his attention to James briefly, then back to the fire.

‘This can’t be happening. Sirius, you’re supposed to be my best friend!’

A sense of righteous anger flared up in Sirius at that comment. He rounded on James. ‘ _What_? I _am_ you’re best friend. How does this change anything?’

‘It changes bloody everything!’ James was nearly shrieking. ‘You’re my friends, and friends don’t ... don’t -’

‘Don’t what? Don’t kiss? Don’t fuck each other and like it?’ Sirius spat the words like venom. ‘Get used to it, James.’

James looked mortified. ‘ _Urgh_! You _fucked_ him? God, Sirius, he’s _Remus_.’

Sirius narrowed his eyes. It was all he could do to contain himself and not explode at James. ‘He’s also right here in the room, you arsehole. Stop talking about him as if he isn’t.’

James looked at Remus, who was still staring into the flames, then walked around the lounge to stand in front of him. ‘Did you do something? Did you talk Sirius into this? Did you cast a spell or something? Did you?’

‘James, I wouldn’t.’

The look on Remus’ face - the surprise, the hurt, the confusion - made Sirius feel fiercely protective of him. James had no right to do this.

‘ _Well, what’s going on_? Sirius isn’t gay, you’re not gay. It’s a prank, right? Like this morning.’

‘What prank this morning?’ Sirius asked.

‘Remus,’ James said with exasperation, his arms flailing about in wild gesticulation. ‘This morning, his pyjamas appeared out of nowhere, and he wasn’t in his bed. He was somewhere in the castle, trying to pull some prank, but he didn’t get a chance. I never saw him on the way out.’

‘There was no prank,’ Remus said tiredly.

‘He was with me,’ Sirius added.

‘Well, where were you?’

Sirius gave James a moment to figure it out, but he was only staring back expectantly. ‘In bed,’ he said finally.

Recoiling, a look of disgust crossing his face, James said, ‘You do that in the same room as me, while I’m _sleeping_?’

‘What the hell do you suggest?’ Sirius yelled. ‘We’re not exactly spoilt for choice, especially when you act like a complete fucking berk about the whole thing.’

_‘YOU COULD HAVE TRIED NOT FUCKING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!’_

Sirius snapped - he couldn’t help it. He grabbed James by the shoulders, pushed him into the wall and held him there, with their faces only inches apart. Struggling not to act upon the fury searing through his veins, Sirius’ voice, when he spoke, was quiet, though it shook dangerously. ‘Listen to me - you don’t know what you’re talking about. I won’t have you saying things like that. It is _not - your - choice_.’

‘But you don’t have to,’ James said. He held Sirius’ forearms, but he wasn’t struggling. ‘There are girls, you could -’

‘What do you think this is?!’ Sirius interrupted, voice bursting with incredulity. ‘Do you think we’re together for lack of better options? I’m with Remus because I want to be, James. I’m with Remus because I love him.’

The magnitude of his own words had escaped Sirius. He’d said it without even thinking it through, but he hadn’t needed to - it was the truth. It was only when James’ scowl faded, to be replaced by wide-eyed astonishment, that he realised what he’d said.

‘You love Moony?’

James spoke so timidly, Sirius felt guilty being angry at him. He let his hands fall from James’ shoulders, and backed away from him a little. James didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything but stare at Sirius.

Sirius stared back defiantly, daring James to challenge his admission. He didn’t look at Remus. He was afraid to. This wasn’t the way someone was supposed to hear that you loved them, and whatever reaction his words might garner, Sirius wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

James looked troubled and confused, and when he turned to look at Remus, Sirius had to wonder if he would ever look at them the same again.

‘Please understand, James,’ Remus said, and his voice sounded rough, as though he were speaking for the first time in days.

‘Understand? This is … no,’ James said, shaking his head, looking, for all the world, as though his insides were doing summersaults. ‘I don’t …’ He walked past Sirius and Remus, toward the stairs, and then turned around to face them. He looked as if he was struggling to say something, but then held his hands up, turned around and left.

‘ _Fuck_!’ Sirius yelled. He felt like breaking something, anything, but there was nothing within reach. Suddenly, Remus was there reaching out to him, but Sirius pulled away violently, yelling, ‘Don’t touch me,’ before Remus had the chance to.

Instead, turning away from Remus, he held his hands behind his head and stared unseeingly at the long red drapes covering the windows.

 

**4\. Waxing Lupine**

‘Do you remember the first time it happened?’

‘Was that when we couldn’t remember the silencing charm and you wouldn’t keep your damn mouth shut? I thought you’d wake the whole tower.’

They were lying on the worn old bed in the shrieking shack, waiting for the full moon. Using a combination of Quidditch, homework and Lily as an excuse, James had decided not to join them and had even asked Peter to do the same. Sirius had been so ticked off by it he refused to speak to either of them all evening.

Remus laughed at the memory of Sirius struggling to keep him quiet the first time they’d had sex. ‘No, the first time _anything_ happened. That day in the library.’

Shifting closer to Remus, Sirius said, ‘I remember. I was looking for a book and you were standing right in the way, leaning against the shelves, not even paying attention. You had the strangest look on your face. What were you thinking about?’

‘I don’t remember now,’ Remus answered honestly. ‘You could have asked me to move, you know?’

‘I did, half a dozen times or more! Only you were off in your own world.’ Sirius laughed softly. ‘Then, when I pulled the book I wanted off the shelf, you finally realised I was there at all, and gave me this look - still distant, but sort of accusing, like I’d ambushed you or something.’

Remus smiled. ‘Did I? Well, you were standing quite close.’

Sirius paused as he recalled the moment. ‘I don’t know what happened then. It was strange, wasn’t it?’

‘Unexpected, at least. I remember wondering vaguely why you were still standing there after so long ...’

They looked at each other knowingly. That moment was definitely something Sirius remembered - the sudden, yet intense desire to kiss Remus had come from nowhere. He’d slowly leaned in to Remus, barely realising what he was doing, but before their lips had touched, James’ voice had called out.

‘ _“Oi, Padfoot,”_ ’ Sirius mocked James’ voice. ‘I could have socked him one after that - bloody terrible timing.’

‘If we didn’t know it then, we certainly do now,’ Remus said. ‘But then you walked away, and the grin you gave me when you looked over your shoulder was so conspiratorial.’

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. ‘I knew all your secrets then, see? There was no way I was going to let you forget it.’

‘No, first chance you got, you had me pinned against the wall. Not that I’m complaining.’

Leaning in, Sirius kissed the corner of Remus’ smile. Then, burying his face in Remus’ neck, he groaned in annoyance and said, ‘Fuck this stupid moon.’ He moved so he was semi-straddling Remus’ legs. ‘I’d have you right now if I could.’

Remus hummed appreciatively, and Sirius looked up to see him looking heavy-lidded and exhausted. He frowned. ‘Does it hurt yet?’

For the longest time, Remus didn’t answer. The way he shifted about was almost as if he was testing his body as he considered Sirius’ question. ‘It’s getting that way.’

As he kissed Remus’ chest several times, Sirius began rubbing a hand insistently over his torso, vainly trying to ease the pain or at least provide a distraction from it. There was nothing he could do to help, but knowing that one simple truth didn’t do anything to stop the frustration it caused him.

‘If you keep that up, you’re going to have a horny wolf to contend with.’ Remus laughed weakly.

Sirius stopped, but otherwise ignored Remus’ jibe. ‘Do you think it’s harder for him because we’re all friends?’ he said suddenly.

Remus breathed in deeply, and then let it out slowly and with obvious control. ‘It’s hard to say - maybe. I suppose it depends on whether that was his problem in the first place, or rather that we’re both male. More than likely, it’s a combination of both.’

Sirius sighed heavily at the same moment Remus said, ‘You’d better change.’ He pushed Sirius away and sat up, legs over the side of the bed, gripping the edge tightly. But Sirius didn’t change right away; he stayed with Remus as long as he could - or dared.

In some strange, terrible way, Remus’ silence as his face, and then his body, contorted in pain was so much harder to bear than the screams of a younger werewolf that had given the old shack its name.

 

**5\. Spite and Malice**

‘The problem is that you’re a selfish prick.’

‘Oh, come off it. You can hardly blame me,’ James shot back.

‘If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, it’s that Remus still needs you,’ Sirius said, his tone emphatic and firm. ‘You should have been there last night.’

James scowled, but at least had the decency to look a little guilty.

‘I had a heck of a time controlling him. You saw all those cuts he came back with today.’

James’ eyes went skyward. ‘Oh, you’re not going to blame me for that now, are you?’

‘There’s no point. You obviously don’t understand the concept of responsibility.’

‘That’s rich, coming from you.’

‘Would you two stop arguing for one minute?’ Remus said as he came down from their dormitory and walked into the common room where Sirius and James were standing, last ones left for the night, as was often the case. He looked as if he was holding his tongue on something he wanted to say to Sirius, and kept his distance in a noticeably intentional way.

‘Well, I suppose you’ll be wanting your privacy, then,’ James said bitterly. He turned to walk away.

‘James?’ Remus said suddenly, and James turned to face him, looking impatient and irritated. Casting one quick, somewhat unsure glance at Sirius, Remus continued. ‘I don’t mean to pretend I know what it’s like, suddenly finding out two of your friends - two of your _male_ friends - are in a relationship, but … the thing is, that whilst I can’t speak for Sirius, I can say that what we do have, hard as it may be for you to understand, has meant a lot to me. But what really I want to say is, I never intended for this to come between your friendship, so don’t throw it away on account of me.’

Sirius couldn’t help smiling at the determined set to Remus’ features, and the conviction in his voice. He stepped towards Remus, who was still facing James, put his arms around his shoulders and placed a kiss on the hair at his temple. He didn’t spare a thought for the fact that James was there watching them.

Looking as if he were in a daze, James walked to the armchair and collapsed into it. He looked at the floor as he shook his head. ‘You guys are serious?’

‘I think we’ve established that much,’ Sirius said, following James’ lead and sitting on the lounge. He watched the myriad of expressions play over his friend’s features. Despite how things had turned out, he was glad James knew, that it was out in the open. He felt awful, but better somehow.

‘Look, I’m sorry, alright?’ James said, sounding anything but. ‘I’m just … shocked, I guess. It’s a lot to get used to.’

‘Yeah, well, we probably should have told you sooner, and all,’ Sirius said flatly.

‘I could have used the warning.’ James was frowning, but he’d calmed down at least. He tapped his hands on the arms of the lounge chair and stood up. ‘I’m going to go bed. I need time to think, and you guys … well, goodnight.’

Sirius watched after James as he walked out of the room. He knew he had a lot of work ahead of him if James was going to come around. He just didn’t want to have to go through the inevitable confrontations that were no doubt still to come.

He looked at Remus to see him standing where he’d left him, frowning at the last place he had seen James. He was unsettled by all of it, something he cherished left tainted, and there was only once place he wanted to be now.

‘Forget him,’ he said to Remus, who met him with the same frown. He said it again, ‘Forget him.’

‘Sirius?’

‘Don’t talk to me,’ Sirius said, and he meant it. He didn’t want to hear Remus’ voice; there was nothing he could say. ‘Just come here.’ He held out his hand.

Remus hesitated, but obliged, sitting beside Sirius on the lounge. The ignored hand moved to his stomach while Sirius’ head rested on his shoulder.

Sirius watched himself toy with the hem of Remus’ jumper, fingering the wool as he pressed his body closer. He let his hand slip beneath the jumper to pull Remus’ shirt from where it was tucked in to his trousers. It was only when he touched the warm skin beneath that Remus moved a hand to still his.

Sirius waited for Remus to tell him they shouldn’t do this, but when no words came he leaned in closer still and pressed his lips to Remus’ neck. Encouraged when Remus let his head fall back, Sirius turned so he was half-straddling Remus’ leg, pushing into him as he kissed the offered skin.

When Remus inclined his face toward his, they kissed and it sent the pleasure of spite coursing through Sirius. James probably assumed they would be doing as much down here alone, and why shouldn’t they?

Sirius broke away suddenly and stood up. ‘Come on,’ he said. He held out his hand, which Remus took this time, and led them towards their dormitory.

‘Sirius, I don’t think we should take this up there,’ Remus said as he followed.

‘He’ll be asleep by now,’ was all Sirius said in reply. He doubted it was true, but he didn’t care. If he was honest, he was counting on James being awake. He wanted James to hear them, to know exactly what they were doing. If James was going to hate them for it, there was no way Sirius was going to hide like a coward.

They entered quietly enough and collapsed onto Remus’ bed. They’d shared each other’s beds enough so that they fell into the normality of it easily enough, kissing, touching and pressing into each other. Eventually Remus reached for the curtains, which were usually shut, but Sirius knew it was because of James this time.

‘Leave them,’ Sirius said, and grabbed Remus’ wrist. He would welcome defiance anywhere he could find it, willing Remus’ conscience away just this once. James wouldn’t be any the wiser, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that they weren’t ashamed.

When Sirius moved off Remus to lie close by his other side, Remus’ attention followed and he let the curtain fall where it was. Sirius tasted his lips and when Remus opened his mouth, kissed him deeply. His hand crept over Remus’ body, rubbing the hardness between his legs. Remus lifted his hips, pushing into Sirius’ hand, as he pulled back from his lips and exhaled into his mouth, the slightest of sighs on his breath.

Remus - who was not for possessing - made Sirius weak when he surrendered beneath his touch. Like plasticine, he became hot and pliable, seemingly willing to do anything, which was much the same way Sirius felt. When Remus conceded control, he always lost his own.

Remus’ hand pressed down on top of Sirius’, and still he pushed himself into the touch. Briefly, he guided Sirius then began to undo his trousers, the faint clang of the belt buckle ringing in Sirius’ ears. He loved that sound. It always reminded him of sex, no matter the context in which he heard it. He’d instantly think of the desire to touch or be touched, or of reaching into Remus’ trousers and taking his stiff cock into his hand.

He sat up to pull Remus’ trousers and underwear down his legs and off. Tossing them to the floor, he turned to see Remus had already taken his jumper off and was working on his tie. He slid it from around his neck as Sirius straddled him and began undoing the buttons on his shirt, slowly working his way up. Remus watched his hands move, sitting upright after the last button was undone. The shirt was pushed down his arms and discarded to the pile on the floor.

Immediately, Remus began to undo Sirius’ shirt, but Sirius pushed him until he was lying back down, looking up at him from the bed. His hands rubbed Sirius’ thighs as he watched him slowly undo his own shirt, exposing the pale skin of his chest, then sliding it off and throwing it aside. Slipping his thumb into the waistband of his trousers, he popped open the button then slid the zipper down, smiling as he watched Remus’ eyes follow.

Without pausing, Sirius rolled off Remus, onto his back to kick off the rest of his clothing. When he moved atop of Remus again, resting an elbow either side of his head, he pressed both their hips and mouths together. Remus moaned deep in his throat, a hand on Sirius’ arse kneading hard as he rose into the movement of his hips.

Rubbing against Remus slowly, Sirius felt himself nearing the point where he might not be able to stop. He forced himself to still and calm down, breathing slowly and simply enjoying the sensation of Remus’ hands on his body.

When he leaned over to open the bedside drawer, Remus watched him. He could only just barely see what he was doing, but it didn’t really matter. The lube was always in the same spot, thanks to Remus - quick and easy to find. He turned back to Remus, lube in hand, and kissed the neck still exposed to him.

‘Sirius,’ Remus said suddenly, tapping his arms. ‘Sirius, stop it. _Sirius_.’

‘What?’ His tone was somewhere in the midst of irritable, uncomprehending and entirely apathetic.

Remus rose up on his elbows to whisper in Sirius’ ear. ‘James is awake, and the curtains are open. He’s … god, Sirius, he’s _right there_.’

Sirius was about to say _‘what?’_ again when Remus’ words clicked in his mind. James could see them. ‘Let him watch,’ he said, more than loud enough for James to hear, and flicked open the cap on the lubrication audibly.

He’d just begun squeezing the contents into his palm when he heard heavy footsteps thudding across the room, the door opening wide and then slamming shut. He looked up at Remus, who was staring at the door in surprise, then down at his hand. His cock was achingly hard, he wanted to just slick himself and fuck Remus into oblivion. Instead he wrapped his hand around Remus’ erection.

 _‘Ooh!’_ Remus moaned so loud, Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if James could still hear him. He clearly hadn’t been expecting it.

With Remus in his hand, Sirius leaned forward, their lips brushing, and said quietly ‘I want you to fuck me.’

Remus didn’t miss a beat. He sat up and took the lube from Sirius’ hand, then moved to the side of the bed. Sirius lied down on his stomach, facing the end of the bed. He felt the bed dip with Remus’ movement, then his body pressing on top of him, warm lips against his neck and back, and then cold, wet fingers at his arse, pushing inside of him.

He clenched and relaxed around the intrusion while he grew accustomed to it. When Remus whispered into his ear - ‘On your knees,’ - his whole body gave a shudder in anticipation. He rose, leaning on his hands, and Remus grabbed his hips, pressing against him, then penetrating, sliding inside with a faint sigh.

**6\. Kitchen Confrontations**

Considering that it was a Saturday morning, Sirius was feeling strangely ill at ease. James and Remus were nowhere to be found, which wasn’t something that would normally bother him, but after the turn the past couple of weeks had taken, having not seen them all morning was starting to become mildly paranoia-inducing.

He’d spent the majority of the morning with Peter, who was still completely oblivious to the drama unfolding around him. Neither James nor Remus had come to breakfast, and eleven o’clock had rolled around without as much as a glimpse of either of them.

Attempting to act nonchalant about something Peter wasn’t even aware of - strange as that was when reasoned out logically - had gotten Sirius only so far. Namely, the common room. As the Gryffindors milled about, doing little to distract him, he became increasingly curious about his friends’ persistent absence.

‘Um ... hi, Sirius.’

Sirius looked to where the light, breathy voice had come from. It sounded so distant that he’d barely heard it, and was surprised to see the owner of the voice standing right next to where he was sitting on the lounge with his boots propped up on the arm of the chair Peter was occupying. Somewhat behind her stood three girls in a huddle, biting their lips and twisting their hair as they watched her intently.

‘Hi,’ she repeated. ‘My name’s Portia. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed me before, but … well, you did wave to me the other day and I was —’

‘I’m sorry, what?’ Sirius said, genuinely at a loss.

‘Portia,’ she said again slowly. ‘You —’

Abruptly, Sirius stood and said, ‘Will you excuse me? There’s something I have to …’ Pointing towards the portrait hole, he started to walk away. ‘Later, yeah?’

He climbed out of the portrait hole only to run headlong into Remus, who took one look at him, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him down an adjacent hallway. They turned down another, less used hallway, passed several doors, then came to one that obviously satisfied Remus in some way, as he yanked it open and shoved Sirius inside.

Pulling the door shut behind them, Remus leaned on the handle, other hand resting on his hip, and said with a note of incredulity, ‘He cornered me!’

‘No guesses who, I take it.’ Sirius was looking around the room. It appeared to be an old, disused classroom, though he couldn’t tell for what. The desks where all still in place, but there wasn’t much else in the room - not even chairs. He sat on a desk in the front row and looked back to Remus.

‘I missed breakfast this morning. I was in the library looking for books for our Defence essay - can you believe they only have three books with anything on vampire sociology? Anyway, I went down to the kitchens, I’ll admit, only it turns out James was already there.’ Remus paused and scoffed disbelievingly.

‘And?’ Sirius prompted.

‘He cornered me - literally stood between me and the door and started asking me all these questions. It was like the Spanish Inquisition.’

‘So what did he ask you?’

‘Everything,’ Remus said, and moved away from the door. ‘I think it must be because of last night. He wanted to know all about us, how long we’ve been together, when we started having sex ... can you believe that?’

‘That little bastard! Did you answer him?’

‘At first, yeah, but not when he started asking things like whether or not we lost our virginity to each other, and how much you like “taking it up the arse.”’

Sirius had to laugh when he imagined the last one. ‘He’s probably using all this as an excuse to research his own curiosities.’

‘No,’ Remus said. ‘I don’t think so. He was bitter; we must have really pissed him off.’

‘I don’t doubt it. So he asked you all this in front of the house elves? They must have gotten more than their trouble’s worth.’

Remus sighed. ‘Is this supposed to be how it is from now on, then?’

‘Of course not,’ Sirius said, standing and taking Remus in his arms. ‘I’ll have a word with him. He probably just needs a swift kick up the arse.’

‘I’m just getting so tired of it,’ Remus said into Sirius’ shoulder.

‘You’re not the only one,’ Sirius replied darkly.

 

**7\. *The More They Stay the Same**

Recognising what would probably be the best opportunity he’d get, Sirius approached a sullen looking James where he sat perched on the window sill in their dormitory late that same afternoon.

‘So ...’ he said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his second favourite pair of black jeans. ‘Planning on talking to me ever again?’

James said nothing.

Sirius looked down at himself, held out his arms and said, ‘Do I look any different?’ He looked up at James, who was now frowning at him.

‘No,’ James said, and turned his attention back to the window.

‘I don’t feel any different, either,’ Sirius stated plainly. ‘In fact, I’d venture to say I’m pretty much the same as always.’

James clicked his tongue. ‘I know what you’re trying to do.’

‘Good, then maybe it’ll be easier for you to figure out,’ Sirius said shortly. He forced himself to pause and take a moment to calm down before continuing. ‘Look, I know this has all been very sudden for you, but frankly, I fail to see what your problem is. I mean, we’ve known each other practically our whole lives and you’ve always proven yourself to be a pretty decent bloke, so why the sudden turn around? You can be friends with a werewolf as long as he isn’t gay, is that it? Because that’s rubbish, and you know it.’

‘What, am I supposed to be some giant homophobe now, or something?’

‘I never said that.’

James let out a resigned sigh. ‘It’s just that it’s you and him, you know?’

‘No, I don’t know,’ Sirius said as gently as he could manage. He sat down at the other end of the window sill, and James had to turn towards the room to accommodate him. ‘So tell me.’

‘It was Lily.’ James said quietly, looking at his hands where they fidgeted in his lap. He didn’t continue.

Sirius frowned, not understanding what James meant, but not wanting to push him too much in case he got angry again. When the silence became stretched, James looked at him, pressed his lips together, and then turned to his hands once more.

‘It was Lily,’ he repeated. ‘She —’ James sighed heavily and shook his head, almost disbelievingly. ‘Oh, Sirius, all this time I thought I loved her, but now … god, I love her so much it _hurts_.’

Something about James in that moment suddenly made Sirius realise how different things had become. He’d never noticed it happening, but here they were, eighteen already, school almost over for good, falling in love for the first time. It was a little sad to think their wayward, carefree youth might be behind them, but strangely exciting at the same time.

‘It really made me think,’ James said. ‘If you and Remus want to be together, then I have no right trying to deny you that. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if you didn’t approve of Lily. I’m sorry, mate ... I was wrong.’

‘Don’t mention it.’ Sirius smiled warmly. ‘So, are we good?’

‘Yeah, we’re good. I’ll get used to it, I suppose.’ A little wavering smile crossed James’ lips. ‘Just take it easy in public from now on, eh?’

Sirius couldn’t help snickering.

‘I mean it.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know, alright.’

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments, until James suddenly said, ‘Oh, about Lily ... I guess I was right after all.’

‘Oh, you were, were you? How’s that?’

‘You remember how she agreed to come to Hogsmeade with me?’ James asked, smiling broadly. ‘First thing she did was start this huge argument.’

James’ obtuseness was too much; Sirius had to laugh. ‘Uh, James, I think that probably means --’

‘No,’ James interrupted. ‘Not because of that ...’ He told Sirius of how they’d been just about to go to Madam Pudifoot’s when Lily had proclaimed the place was a cliché with walls anyway, and had pulled him back to kiss him right there in the street.

‘Yep, I reckon that’s about as much as I need to know,’ Sirius said suddenly, cutting James’ story short as he jumped up from the window sill and made his way toward the door.

‘Hypocrite!’ James accused as he followed Sirius out.

‘Hey, weren’t you the one going on about ‘taking it easy in public’?’ Sirius said as he reached the stairs and started bounding down them two at a time.

‘Yeah, but that’s —’

Sirius didn’t hear whatever it was James was going to say. He cleared the last few steps in a jump, spotted Remus on the other side of the common room and made his way over.

‘ _Reeemus_ ,’ he said cheerily as he sidled up to his lover and punched him on the shoulder for the heck of it.

‘You’re looking awfully pleased with yourself. Didn’t you just come down with James?’

‘That would be correct,’ Sirius said without further elaboration.

Smiling slightly, Remus nodded.

‘Come on,’ Sirius said quietly and nodded toward the portrait hole. ‘Let’s go.’

As he turned to leave, Remus said suddenly, ‘Who’s that?’

Following the direction of Remus’ gaze, Sirius saw James back by the stairs with — ‘Portia!’

Immediately, he slapped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. They both looked at him and waved girlishly.

‘Okay, time to leave,’ he said, and took Remus by the shoulders in an attempt to steer him to the exit. They’d almost made it when James intercepted them with Portia in tow.

‘Wait a second, not so fast. I was just talking to your lovely little friend here, Sirius.’ James’ smirk was pure evil. ‘Rushing off like that? Now, really.’ He gave Portia a little push toward Sirius and stepped back.

‘You said we’d meet up later, but I didn’t see you,’ she said by way of explanation. ‘But then I ran into your friend just now, and he told me everything.’

 _Everything?_ Sirius thought. _James wouldn’t ... would he?_ Portia was smiling shyly, but practically gushing, which didn’t seem right. He ventured a smile, but suspected it probably ended up something closer to a grimace.

‘I never would have thought,’ she continued brightly. ‘I mean, you’ve really got everyone fooled, but your friend, James, told me all about how you’re actually really shy, and how you’ve been wanting to ask me to the next Hogsmeade weekend, but didn’t know how. Well, now you don’t have to.’ She giggled nervously.

‘Uh ...’ Sirius began, but she spoke before he could say anything.

‘I’m _really_ looking forward to it.’ She was absolutely beaming when she rushed off to her friends, leaving a rather dazed Sirius in her wake.

‘Okay, _now_ were good.’ Arms crossed and still smirking, James was looking terribly smug.

‘You will die for that, mister. Just you wait.’

‘I’ll be looking forward to it,’ James said, mocking Portia's chirpy tone.

It was Remus that steered Sirius the rest of the way out, but not before they’d heard the eruption of girlish squealing that engulfed the common room behind them.

* * *

Throwing his beloved leather jacket on the grass by the edge of the lake, Sirius motioned toward it with a hand and said, ‘Sit.’

‘I thought you were supposed to be the dog here,’ Remus said, raising an eyebrow sardonically, but obliging Sirius nonetheless.

‘You know what I mean. Scoot forward a bit.’ When Remus did so he sat in behind him with a leg either side. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he encouraged Remus to lean back against him, breathing in the clean, soapy scent of his hair. He sighed. ‘You smell good.’

Remus, for his part, didn’t answer, but closed his eyes and relaxed into the embrace. It was cool out by the lake, but not cold. The air was still, and the sun - still an hour or so from setting - was mostly unobstructed by the clouds.

Before long, Sirius’ thoughts caught up with him. ‘What am I going to do about Portia?’ he whined.

He felt rather than heard Remus’ laughter. ‘You could tell her the truth.’

‘Yeah right! I’m not telling _her_ ,’ Sirius said indignantly. ‘Besides, she doesn’t need to know.’

‘Well, either that or go with her, act like an absolute arse and hope it’s enough to make her stop liking you,’ Remus said with an air that made it clear he didn’t actually consider this an option. ‘Or you could always stand her up and break her heart.’

‘I’m guessing you wouldn’t let me do that anyway.’

‘That’s right, I wouldn’t,’ Remus said, smiling. ‘Why don’t you just talk to her, tell her you’re not interested? You don’t have to give everything away.’

Sirius buried his face in Remus’ shoulder and spoke into the fabric of his clothes. ‘Do I have to?’

‘I would strongly advise it, unless you want her following you around for the rest of the year.’

‘Ach, no. Then we’d _never_ get any time to ourselves,’ Sirius said, then moved his lips to Remus’ ear. ‘Speaking of which ...’ he crooned before nibbling gently.

Remus hummed softly as Sirius kissed along his jaw line, the slight vibration tickling his lips. With one long, slender finger Sirius tilted Remus’ face upwards and kissed his open mouth.

Holding Remus tightly, Sirius understood exactly what James had meant. He ached for Remus, and somehow being with him only made it stronger.

He let Remus turn in his arms and push him until he was lying down, kissing his neck and slipping a hand under his shirt to rub the expanse of warm skin, play with a nipple. Raising his head, Sirius watched as Remus kissed a path over his shirt, then under as the shirt was pushed up and nipple and navel tongued. His stomach quivered and his chest heaved.

When Remus looked him in the eyes, sitting back a little as he undid his trousers, Sirius suddenly remembered James’ earlier request - _Just take it easy in public from now on_. Then, looking libidinous, _salacious_ , as he eyed Sirius’ now exposed erection, Remus lowered his head.

 _Well_ , Sirius thought with a grin as he let his head fall back onto the grass. _What James doesn’t know can’t hurt him._


End file.
